Papa

Last week my grandpa passed away. It has been quite a week let me tell you. When my mom called me at work last Thursday I knew before she told me. The strength that I alone have was made very apparent. The kind of strength that Ashlee has is shown by her shaking, on the floor, trying to not pass out. Greg had to come get me from work. I don't think I have ever cried like that before. That is the strength that I have.

I got on a plane Friday morning only to be thrown into the madness. I prayed for peace. I prayed that the tension that often occurs in my family would not erupt. I placed myself before the foot of the cross and trusted God to take care of me and my family. I almost cried before I even got on the plane. When I got off the plane in Roswell, NM I was given the job of planning the funeral service, picking out a shirt for my grandpa to wear, and helping pick out flowers for my grandpa's casket piece. I have never wanted to just sit down and cry in Hobby Lobby, but I wanted to that day.

Saturday and Sunday was more planning, planning, planning. Mom and I went to see the body at the funeral home. Not going to lie, I was totally freaked out and didn't know if I could even walk in that room where my grandpa was lying in a casket. It made it so real to watch my mom carry the flowers out to the car. I felt like I was having an out of body experience. Now let me explain this. I was there in body, but I felt like I was watching the entire experience from the outside. It was so weird. I eventually made into the viewing room. It took awhile, I had to ask God to give me the strength to walk into the viewing room. Once I made it around the corner I knew he was really gone. I knew his body was lying there, but he wasn't there.

Monday was spent waiting for our family to get in. I enjoyed getting to see everyone. But is was so hard watching them mourn my grandpa. It hurt my heart to watch theirs breaking. I wondered what was going through their minds at that moment. I wondered what my grandpa would have told us if he had been there. I wondered what he would be doing.

Tuesday morning began early. I didn't sleep that good. Had to get to Roswell early. I put on the same gray suit that I have worn several times recently. This time I was putting it on in preparation for getting up in front of my entire family, reading my grandpa's obituary, and sharing my testimony. I was scared out of my mind, but certain of the message the Lord had given me. The message had changed overnight, and Mom helped me prepare on the way to Roswell. Around 11:00 this Tuesday, I straightened my shaky legs, and slowly walked to the podium. I was choked up, I made my way through the obituary, until I read my name. I had to give myself a moment. Then I read Psalms 46:1-3. I told everyone in that room about My Refuge and Strength. It was hard, but good. My heart hurt because I was missing my grandpa, but I knew I had the opportunity to share my faith with my entire family. I made it through, but only by the grace and strength of God.

When I got on the plane home last night, I have never been so tired. But I have never been so grateful for having a Rock, a Fortress, a Strong Tower, Refuge, and Source of Strength that didn't come from me. That is all God. That is His name. It was not an ounce of me. I don't have that kind of strength. I hope my family saw that. I hope that they saw Christ and not Ashlee. I hope that their hearts are drawn closer to Him. I hope that He alone is glorified in this time. I see that in my grandma. I see Him being glorified in and through her. The strength she has shown could only be of Him.

Where is your source of strength? Who is your source of strength? If it's not Christ, lets talk. If it is, isn't He so good? ugh, I am so thankful!

You Are More Than Enough For Me

This week has been something. I started this week after last week of working 8-9or 10 depending on the day. This week has been the same. I am walking around like a zombie.

I am balancing job: stressing about all I need to get done at work, knowing I can't because work right now is a going to a conference, Greg: not seeing Greg because he is insanely busy with school and I am insanely busy with work, yet still desiring to have a real conversation that lasts more than a minute, my grandfather: who has been in the hospital, me thinking he was going to die, knowing he was going to be having surgery in his 80's, and imagining him in an operating room like the ones on Grey's Anatomy, family: wanting to be there for my family, but being far away, needing the support of my family yet being the sounding board/dump pile

And of course there is always the sleep factor, or lack of it. I am trying to sleep each night but waking up a million times in worry and fear hearing satan whisper in my ear.

The only comfort I have had is just relying on my Heavenly Father and singing songs to Him in my heart. Every time I have a moment of fear I refocus on God. Worry does me no good. It just makes me crazy. I don't have time to be crazy. So I sing in my heart. This week I have sung over and over again a song from church on Sunday "I believe You're my healer, I believe You're more than enough for me, Jesus You're all I need"

Do you know who Jesus is? Do you believe He is more than enough? Do you believe He is all you need? Well whether you know Him or not, whether you believe Him to be more than enough or not, He is. He is, because He is God.

I leave you with a little humor I found on my Starbucks cup a week or so ago. It was very fitting then, and more than fitting now. This is what I want to do more than anything else right now:

Revolution Weekend

I have been so busy this week that I haven't had time to tell you about the amazingness of last weekend.

Last weekend, 3,000 students worshipped God in my church. Last weekend I got to listen to Francis Chan reach into the hearts of my 8th grade girls. Last weekend I reached a new level of community with my girls. Last weekend the Lord just blew me away and spoke to me in new ways.

You see last weekend my church partnered with Student Life and brought in Francis Chan, Kristian Stanfield, and 3,000 students from churches all over.

Let me show you what it looked like!

I had an amazing time. I saw God speak to my girls in ways I had never seen before. I saw God begin to break through walls that I had not seen before.

What have you seen God doing recently??

Confessions of a Newbie Event Planner

This past week I got the pleasure of taking work on the road. My work was hosting a retreat in the Hill Country of Texas, specifically Horseshoe Bay Resort. Um yeah it was AMAZING! So here are my confessions about the week.

1. I ate way too much. Not only that, I ate amazing catered food that add up to millions of calories.
2. I may have gained 5 lbs this week.
3. I was in awe of the amazing beauty of the resort. I kept taking pictures of everything, even the decor.
4. I've never stayed in a hotel where they take you bags up to the room for you.
5. I need some cute hang out clothes to wear around the hotel at night, because I ran into some people in my not so nice sweat pants....OOOOOPPPS!
6. I really enjoyed hanging out with the wives on the trip. They were such a blast.
7. I forgot how awesome the hill country was and how much I love being there.
8. Every afternoon I just wanted to take a nap.
9. I love my job.
10. I learned how to make the most amazing chicken enchiladas, but I don't know if I will ever make them because they are kinda complicated.
11. The resort has a putt putt course with real grass.

These are just a few of the memories from this week! Pictures to come later!

25 Ain't So Bad!

WOW! I am completely overwhelmed after my birthday festivities! Can I tell you that I have the best friends ever! I also have the bestest boyfriend in the whole wide world! Let me start at the beginning.

Wednesday night I came over after half a day at work. I went in late because of all the ice. I walked in and immediately my nostrils were filled with the most heavenly smell. Allyson...I said, what is that? Your birthday cake...she said! Oh boy, was I excited! I love me some cake.

Ta da! Here is Allyson's creation! Funfetti cake! Oh boy!

Can you tell how excited I am?? Allyson even sang me Happy Birthday!

Well I went to sleep. With a belly very full of cake. The next morning I woke up and went to work. Randi, the girl I am replacing at work brought me Starbucks. Then Randi and the rest of the girls in my office took me to lunch at La Madeleine. Then that afternoon I got the best surprise ever... let me show you what came for me!

Umm yeah! Are they not the most beautiful flowers!! I seriously almost cried right there in my office when I read the card. These beautiful miniature roses came from my office family in the Registrar's Office. Now when I worked in the Registrar's Office I always knew my birthday would be special. I was really sad I wasn't getting to celebrate with them this year. They did not disappoint though! I was so overwhelmed by their friendship and love. I am so grateful for my office family! Love you guys!

So after that amazing day, I came home. I knew I was having dinner with one of my best friends...Ashley and my roommate Allyson. Greg surprised me when I got home. He walked into my apartment carrying this huge present. He handed it to me. I about dropped it on the floor. What was it you wonder? Well let me show you!

Ummm. YEAH! My parents bought me a Wii for Christmas. And Greg bought me the Wii Fit for my birthday!! Isn't he the best?? I sure think so!

Well, Ashley got to my apartment. And we got ready to leave for dinner. Where does a birthday girl choose to go for dinner?? I'm so glad you asked...Zio's! Oh yes, I had not been there since college. My taste buds were overwhelmed with Crispy shrimp, linguine, butter, parsley (fresh of course), freshly chopped garlic. Oh boy was it amazing. It fact it was so amazing I woke up the next day and could still taste garlic in my mouth (yes I brushed my teeth before I went to bed). Here are pics from the night.

Allyson, Ashlee, and Ashley (and baby Pelter in Ashley's belly)

My birthday Sundae! YUUUMMM!

The next morning I awoke. Very thankful for such a great birthday...um but apparently it wasn't over yet. When I opened my door that morning, this is what I found...

Ohhh. A big bag that says Happy Birthday. I wonder what is in it?? Hummm.....let's look inside.

What is it? Umm that would be my lunch for the day. A salad, strawberries with fruit dip, Tomato and roasted red pepper soup, and a piece of birthday cake! Yeah it was the best lunch ever! And...Allyson bought me these cool containers from the Container Store! A salad container with a place for dressing. The fruit dip container had a special place in the center for the dip with a lid for the dip. Um yeah I was really impressed and excited.

So I went to work, had my amazing lunch, battled traffic on my way home knowing I had a hot date that night...yep with Gregory. He wouldn't tell me where we were going...I love surprises!

Greg came and picked me up and we went on our way. All the time I was trying to figure out where he was taking me. So where was the place?? Ohh it was an amazing choice I got so excited when We drove in....Shogun! OH Buddy! They have the best fried rice, the best veggies, okay, so everything they have is the best!!! Then, he took me to see a movie. What a great night!

I am so full, I may not ever eat again. Thank you to everyone who worked so hard to make my birthday special! You are the best ever!

The Pioneer Woman

Have you guys heard of the Pioneer Woman? You should check out her website www.thepioneerwoman.com. Some girls at work told me about her. Let me tell you my thoughts

She is a city girl turned country. I hear she lives in Oklahoma somewhere, but I don't really know. She has a garden. She cooks AMAZING food. She is a photographer and writer. She home schools her kids. She is a wife and a mom. Her husband is a cowboy and she used to be a spoiled city girl.

I think she is interesting. Her website is extensive. My biggest question for her, is how do you have the time? How do you have time to be a wife, mom, chef, photographer, writer, decorator, home school teacher, and maintain a website such as this. If you check out her website you will know, you will understand. Her recipes look amazing. Her photography will blow you away. She is so detailed. She is Witty and interesting. She loves all the things I love. She makes me want to have a garden with fresh produce of various colors and fresh sweet smelling herbs. She makes me want to be an amazing woman too.

At the same time, she makes me feel the same way Martha Stewart does. You know what I mean. Almost like less of a woman. Like every woman should be able to do all of that. Right now I barely have time to run to the grocery store once a week, be involved at church, spend time with my boyfriend, hang with my roommate, spend time with God, go to work, clean my apartment (it's not even as big as a house), cook one meal a week (I don't even make dinner every night because I am on the run so much), and have time to do the things I like (hunting for recipes, cooking, photography). I still haven't hung anything on the walls of my apartment. I barely get to sit down and relax. This morning is the longest time I've had in awhile to just do nothing and all I can think about it what I should be doing. How does she do it? I just don't have a clue.

Ugh I feel so torn. I want my kids someday to have that kind of a mom. I want to bake them fresh bread and homemade cookies. I want to make amazing dinners every evening (if I could only get Greg to eat onions and peppers). I want my family to be taken care of and loved. I don't feel drawn to homeschooling, though I could do it. I think it is good for kids to be in the world and learn how to not be of the world. I want all those things, but Pioneer Woman makes me tired. How is she not exhausted all the time. She must go to bed at like 7:00.

Thoughts anyone?

The First Week

Well I keep getting asked about my first week at my new job, so I guess I should tell you about it.

I began my new job on Tuesday morning. I was asked to be there at 9:00. I wasn't sure what traffic was going to be like, so I left my apartment at 8:30. I got there about 10 minutes before 9:00.

This is me on my first day. Notice the cute new shirt and dress pants!

No let me tell you about the weekend before I started my new job. My parents came in on Friday evening. Perfect timing! Isn't God good! We got to celebrate together His goodness in providing me with such an awesome job!

My parents bought me a washer and dryer for graduation. I think they thought I wasn't excited about it. That is so not true! I cannot wait to get in there and wash my first round of laundry in my new washer and dryer. In fact, I am stocking up until then. The dryer was back ordered, so I will get my new washer and dryer next weekend! YEAH!

On Sunday afternoon, Mom took me to the mall to get some new dress pants. Gap has my favorite trouser pants on sale...so I got two pairs!

My parents left on Monday, and I dropped in the Grapevine Mills Mall to look for some new shirts. I got two sweaters for $25 at Gap Outlet and then I got three shirts at Banana Republic for $28!!! Yeah I was really excited. If you don't know this about me, I LOVE a great deal! Ohh. I also found the Apothecary Bottle for my bathroom that I can been looking for ($5).

These are my shirts from Banana.

Yeah for Gap!

This is one the the new shirts...see the top of my Apothecary Bottle?

So, back to Tuesday. I drove up to my office building. I had been there a total of like 3 times before then. As I drove up I thought...I really work here! I also kinda panicked a little. You see when I worked at Southwestern I had to wear skirts. I worried that maybe my new job was the same way and I was going to be the idiot new girl who was wearing pants...gasp!! I know I totally freaked myself out! And of course I had dreamed the night before all kinds of horrible things, like sleeping through my alarm, everyone hating me, you know typical horrible dreams before a new job!

So, I got out of my car. I sucked in all the panic and worry. And I walked through the front door to Amanda, our receptionists, desk.

Now let me tell you Amanda had made a HUGE first impression on me when I went for my interview. I had listened to her answer phone call after phone call and she had the sweetest, most bubbly voice. It just makes you happy when she answers the phone! But- when I walked in and she already knew my name "You must be Ashlee." Well, that just blew me away! She made me feel so welcome. As I waited for Randi (the girl I am replacing) to come down and get me, she talked to me about where I'm from, where I live. She was just amazing and made me feel at home!

Randi came and got me and took me upstairs. She gave me what I call my "hip badge." It's one of those cards and gives you entry into the building and all the offices in the building. You cannot get in to see me unless you have one. Not going to lie, they make me feel very safe!

This is my "hip badge"

Then Randi took me to my make shift desk. Right now I'm at a table with a laptop. You see Randi can't move to her new desk until Stephanie leaves. When Stephanie leaves (she is going home to be a mommy) Randi is taking her place. So until about mid- February I am at my little table next to my soon to be desk.

Side note-Sometimes I dream about organizing my new desk. I dream about the nesting process. What should I get for my new desk? What pictures should I bring? What colors are appropriate? Do I need a plant? How will I organize things in a way that works for me. These are all things that run through my head during the day.

Okay, so later that day my new boss finally came in the office. He had been out visiting a church. He is really an awesome guy. He is detailed, but very personable. It's still weird to me that I have a new boss. I still feel a little disloyal about it. But we talked and he ran things by me and we just talked about different office type things.

So the rest of the day, and the week actually I spent learning the various aspects of my job. Everyone keeps asking me if I am overwhelmed yet. I don't feel that way yet. I know I probably will. Right now I'm am just processing alot and feel exhausted! But I know the Lord has brought me here. I know He wouldn't place me somewhere if He hadn't already prepared me for it. So I just get up everyday and ask Him to teach me and help me do my job well. I know that I have to trust Him in this job. I know that if I trust in myself I will for sure fail!!

I am working on a notebook about my job. Why? So I can remember everything Randi tells me. I have a HUGE advantage that she is just moving down the hall and I will still have her to ask stuff. But I want to do my job. I want to do it well. So I am developing this notebook.

Another thing I have learned is the advantage of a steno notepad. I always wondered why Karen had one by her desk at my old job...now I know!! Karen I appreciate you more now that I'm not there. Your steno notepad must be worth gold!! Everyday I write down a to do list. I love every time I get to check something off my list. Ugh...such a great feeling!

So, that's a little about my job. I am now an adult. The end with I'll give you the list of pro's and con's my friend Price and I came up with about being an adult.

Pro's: that secure feeling that comes with a good paycheck, insurance, money that goes into retirement, vacation time, paid holidays, sick days

Con's: getting up early every week day for the rest of my life, no summer breaks, being the "old person" that has to go to bed at a reasonable time because you have a real job!

Love you guys!