I Quit

I quit! I declared to my mom. My track coach was out of town for spring break and we were running with the high school coach who was known for being tough. Quitting lasted as long as it took my mom to march me back up to school and apologize to the coach for my actions. I finished out track that year begrudgingly.

How often do we run the race of this Christian life and declare "I quit!" Or we mope and drag our feet complaining about our rough lives. That's the mess I've been walking in. Sunday I laid down at the altar at church to pray and had no words. My heart was so heavy and worn I wasn't sure what to ask for. I felt an arm come around me and one of my college girls began to pray over me. The flood gates opened and I bawled while she prayed for me.

I knew I was at the end of myself. Paul Tripp says "true righteousness begins when you come to the end of yourself because you give up on your own little kingdom." My husband and I got home Sunday night and he began to poke and prod on my heart in ways I hate. He said things I knew were true, but did not want to hear.

Yesterday morning I sat down begging the Lord to refresh me and renew me. I read She Reads Truth and the Lord reminded me of that spring break morning when I declared I quit. And gingerly as only He can, He asked me, "Ashlee are you going to quit or are you going to keep running this race I have set before you?" The words in Hebrews 12 that stood out to me were lose heart. That word lose means "to dissolve, grow weak through exhaustion." My heart is so exhausted. I realized I had lost heart.

Yet Paul spurs us on in Hebrews 12 to consider Jesus who endured so much. Fix your eyes on Him the author and protector of your faith. And I realized my eyes have not been fixed on Jesus. My eyes have been on been on myself, the rough road ahead, sorrow, etc. My eyes were everywhere except on Jesus.

When I fix my eyes on Jesus, everything melts away. Things don't disappear, but they don't hold on to me so strongly. No matter where you are today, maybe life seems unbearable, maybe you are ready to quit, let's stop, take a deep breath and fix our eyes on Jesus.

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