Words of Grace

"Can I be brutally honest with you?" is a phrase I used to use quite frequently.  When my friends would come to me for advice I would ask them my question and then I would be brutally honest. I cannot tell you how many conversations I walked away from where I knew I had hurt that person's feelings. Unfortunately I walked away thinking, well I warned them, I asked if I could be honest, if they didn't want that they shouldn't have said I could be honest.

I strongly remember doing this with one of my college roommates. The shock and hurt on her face still hurts my heart. I do not remember the conversation, just the stunned and hurt look she wore. I knew in that moment I had messed up, but I was so wrapped up in the freedom of my words that I refused to even apologize. I was living by "if you love them speak the truth" instead of "speak the truth in love." I was living in a twisted version of Truth. Yes, I was living in a self righteous lie about my words. And the Lord would only let me live there for so long.

Over time, the Lord got in my face with His Word and started showing me what He thought about my words. As I looked at scripture I could not get away from what God has to say: that words are a fire and a restless evil. God revealed to me that my words could bless or my words could curse, but they could not do both. James 3:11 tells us: Does a fountain send out from the same opening both fresh and bitter water?" I realized that there was something wrong with my words. I couldn't call myself a believer and not consider the words I spoke to people. If I was in Jesus, then I should be a fountain with fresh water, and a fresh water fountain cannot send forth bitter water. My "truthful" words were actually bitter words. God was opening my eyes to a change needed in my life.

God used a mentor to continue to affirm this Truth. She was my assigned mentor for a summer. I had known her for many years. I was honestly surprised when I spent time with her. She was not the woman I remembered.  She had transformed from a loud and blunt person to someone who walked with grace. I asked her what was different, what had happened to the woman I once knew? As she told her story it reminded me so much of myself. She shared how God transformed her especially when it came to her words and shared Colossians 4:6 with me: Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person. 

As I considered this verse I realized I had zero grace in my words. I knew that I did not have an ounce of grace in me naturally. But I was living in a lie of "Well this is how God made me!" God showed me that just because I do not come by words of grace naturally, He still calls me to walk in them. That was a hard realization, because I liked the freedom I had, and I did not want to acknowledge I was abusing my freedom. Slowly, God began to change my words. Over time, He taught me how to walk in His Truths regarding my words. Sometimes I still struggle, but God is reminding me of the importance of the way I speak. And that to walk worthy of Him is to talk in a manner worthy which always involves grace. 

We just cannot get away from God's grace. God has given us this amazing grace: His Son who died on our behalf so that while we were yet in sin, we might have eternal life. God allows His grace to show up in our lives in so many ways. I am so grateful for His grace in my life. I know without a doubt I do not deserve it. I know in turn I am called to walk in the grace He so freely bestowed on me. He calls us to walk in grace with ourselves and with others. He calls our speech to be seasoned with grace. May my words be worthy of Him.