Passion 2014 the Recap

I walked into Passion with a heavy heart. All the weight I had been carrying for weeks weighed me down topped with Houston traffic and the fact I had not eaten. (Side Note: When I am hungry I turn into a different person. A not very nice person. If you have seen this side of me, you know what I mean.)

During the first session they asked us to talk to and pray with people around us. They asked us to share what we wanted God to do during Passion. All I had been thinking about and praying about was what I wanted God to do in others. As I listened to what the others shared I knew my prayer is that God would show me what He wanted from me as a leader this next year. You see all the struggles and weight of the past few months have left me asking “God am I doing something wrong?” “God what do you want from me?” “God what changes do you want to see in my life and the way I lead?” These questions have been difficult for me, because they have made me deal with my humanity, my desire to think I am right, and my selfish pursuit to be liked and moved by others.

So I decided to ask God to speak to me at Passion. I had spent all week asking God to move in others hearts. My heart needed mending and encouraging. I needed God to meet with me and show me where He was leading me. So I asked God to move in me and speak to me. And boy did He ever show up.

First Up there was Francis Chan. Now I have heard Francis speak before and was really looking forward to hearing him teach. God showed me several things during Francis’ teaching.

• First God reminded me of the simplicity of His Word. Francis simply walked through 2 Peter 1:1-7. He didn’t have fancy points, and (gasp) there was no alliteration. And God sweetly reminded me where my focus needs to be. To simply and straightforwardly teach the Word.
• God also reminded me that I need to be willing to persevere in life and ministry. Recently, things have been hard. And God reminded that I must choose to keep going and that He would give me the strength to do it.
• Finally God showed me that I must be willing to fight for brotherly affection with other believers. I know this in my head, but I am not sure I have really been living it out that well.

Beth Moore followed up Francis. I have never heard her speak. I did a couple of her Bible studies in college, but wasn't sure what to expect. Beth stepped on the stage so fired up I thought she might actually catch fire. God really opened my eyes to several things, but one thing in particular. Beth spoke out of 1 Tim 6:11-16, she focused on what it means to fight the good (or beautiful) fight and compared it to ugly fights. God used Beth to remind me that the good fight is the fight of sound words (the Word of God). He also showed me how easily the enemy can encourage toward fighting each other that we do not fight the good fight.

Apart from these two messages that really stuck out to me the Lord showed me some big things about how He wants me to walk as a believer and lead the girls He has called me to lead.

• Humility must be my desire. When everyone else had bowed their head in prayer I watched both Francis Chan and Beth Moore cry out to God on their knees. I watch music leaders stop singing and just get on their knees before the Lord. And it totally blew me away. God reminded me that a position of humility is on my knees before Him
• I need my friends. God reminded me this by sweetly placing my college roommate and one of my very best friends there at Passion too. Sometimes I can get so busy doing ministry that I forget to have a life, friends, or anything apart from the ministry He has placed me in. And sometimes I just need to be with my people. People that get me, encourage me, talk about things other than what is going on in the ministry. If you are my friend and I have neglected you, I am sorry. The Lord has reminded me how much I need you and how much I need community of my own. So, can we be friends again? Yeah, I’d like that.
• It’s not my job to fix problems in our ministry. Oh, believe me, I WANT TO. In my flesh I believe I have everything it takes to fix people. The Lord showed me this as I painfully watched two of my girls heavy with conviction from the Lord, praying and waiting for God to help them have strength to mend what was broken. The Lord really hammered this in when walls finally came down and one of my girls looked at me and said, this is not your problem to fix, we need to fix this with each other. All I could do was walk away and pray. I cannot tell you how overwhelmed I felt hearing them laugh together. My eyes are welling with tears remembering that sweet sound.
• The Lord must pour into me so I can pour out to others. I know this to be true, but I have really lived it out the last few weeks. I have been walking with Jesus. I have been in His Word. But I’m not sure I was open to the Lord really pouring into me. I am reminded how necessary it is for me to continue to walk in ministry and life. I need Jesus, yet sometimes I walk around like I don’t. Like I have it all together. I believe that is why He has allowed me to walk around with so much heaviness, so that I would finally come to the breaking point, so I would let it all go and just ask Him to speak to me, lead me, pour into me so I can continue to walk in a manner worthy of the gospel.