Defined by Christ Alone

I stood at my mirror. The conversations rolled over in my head. I replayed the words again and again. Every time the words cut deeper. I stood there in my funk, while the enemy cast blame. My legs heavy, my heart worn, my soul weary. I knew the enemy was at war with me, but I felt too weary to even stand firm in the Truth. Too weary to even remember Truth. I asked the Lord to intervene on my behalf and fight where I could not.

I sat on my bed, next to my sleeping husband, turned on the light and opened my Bible.  I knew I desperately needed to be washed in the Word. I began with Psalm 119. Verse 40 stuck out to me “Behold, I long for Your precepts; Revive me through Your righteousness.” “Lord,” I thought, “I need you to revive me through Your righteousness. I don’t have any on my own and I need you”. I went to read the She Reads Truth devotional from Ruth and there God met me again.

"Naomi could not see past her circumstances. The hand was dealt, the credits were rolling. Naomi believed with her head that her God was sovereign, but she was too soul-weary to believe with her heart. And so she calls it. Game over. Name changed…  She couldn’t imagine the bitterness becoming beauty, but her sovereign God could….

We are not named by our circumstances. We are named by our good God."

And I knew what was said about Naomi was true about me. I could not see past my circumstances or my feelings. I forgot who I am. And God whispered “Ashlee you are in Me. You wear My name, not your own”.  You see, I’ve taught that Truth to my Bible Study girls as we walk through Ephesians. The Lord has reminded me who I am in Him.  Yet even the teacher needs to be taught.

I Wear Many Names

Daughter, College Pastor’s Wife, Sister, Bible Study Leader, Teacher, Mentor, Friend. I allow the names I wear to define me rather than Christ. I struggle to separate my self-appointed names from my identity in Him. Friends, that is sin, it’s idolatry and I miss the joy and the peace of who I am in Christ when I walk this way.

Who Does He Say I Am?

I am clothed in His character as His covenant partner. He has given me a new self that is in His likeness and created in His righteousness (Eph 4:24).  I am not self-constructed but chosen of God to be holy and beloved (Col 3:12). I have been bought with a price, not for my own sake, but for His (1 Cor 6:20).  He has brought me near by His blood (Eph 2:13). He has made me a fellow citizen and a saint (Eph 2:19). Christ is clear who I am is based in Him not my self-appointed names.

It Doesn’t Matter what I Feel

This morning, emotion raged within me. My thoughts ran wild. What I felt did not match up with what I knew to be True. We live in a world where perception is reality. The world tells me whatever I believe to be true, whatever I feel, is truth itself. That is a lie. It’s hard for me to swallow it myself, because sometimes the way I feel, it just seems so right. Yet Jeremiah 17:9 tells us that the heart is deceitful above all else and it cannot be trusted. The way we feel does not trump Scripture. What I believe to be true, does not change truth, so it’s doesn’t matter what I feel.

What Will I Choose?

The name I carry is not my own, but His. My character is not defined my what is said of me, my circumstances, or what I even believe to be true. My character is defined by Christ and Christ alone. I have a choice of whether or not I will believe it. I can choose to walk in weariness allowing the enemy to beat me down. Or I can wake up, plant my feet in Truth, and choose to believe what Jesus says about me.

Are you soul weary? Is the enemy attacking? Are your circumstances closing in, falling apart, and threatening you? Choose Jesus, turn to Him, remember what He says, and trust it.

To My Dad, On His Birthday

This week my Dad has a big birthday. I won’t tell you which one. This week I am thinking about my Dad and the influence he is on me. If you know him, you know he hates that I am dedicating a post to him. He hates that kind of stuff.

Daddy,

You are my hero in the faith. I know you hate that, but it’s true.

You Pray

I’ll never forget the morning I stumbled across you in the living room. I had called for you, but couldn’t find you.  I couldn’t see you there on your knees praying. Thank you for having a posture of prayer. You taught me to pray as you knelt next to my bed each night to say my prayers with me. Those moments are precious to me.

You Love the Word

Each morning I found you sitting in the kitchen reading and studying the Word. You pour over the Word like someone looking for a sacred treasure. You taught me that even a layperson should know God’s Word deeply, not just the guy who preaches each week. Your love of the Word showed me I could know the Scripture the same way; that I should know it the same way.

You Stand Up for Truth

You desire Godly justice. You desire that God’s Word never be misused. You carefully guard it and have been faithful to entrust it to others. When I have a question, it’s often followed with “Well you know what (insert scripture) says…. You would rather take me to Truth than let me hang on your words. You know His Word holds all power. Thank you for showing me the importance of Truth and for being quick to stand firm on God’s Word.

You Boldly Tell People About Jesus

I cannot count how many times my face got flushed as you asked a waiter if he knew Jesus or how you could pray for him. You never cared if it bothered me, because that person knowing Jesus was more important than any embarrassment I felt. Thank you for being bold for the gospel and showing me how to care for every person.

You Serve

You served me when you brought me apple juice (and later coffee) as I got ready each morning and when you made sure my car had its oil changed on time. I saw it when you milked drains after surgery or gave shots as needed. You gracefully served mom as she bravely fought cancer all the while speaking truth into her life. Even now you do laundry and cook dinner, things many husbands would not do. You serve your church and your pastor. I learned to serve by watching you serve.

You Give

As a child you made sure I had change to put in the offering plate and encouraged me to give cheerfully. I loved getting to tithe just like you. You never neglected to give when led and showed me how to be wise with my money so I could give freely. You reminded me over and over what I have belongs to the Lord, not me.

You Do Hard Things

You refused to move until God let you go. You stayed in your job that didn’t always like, because you knew God had placed you there. You shared with me difficult decisions that had to be made and told me what might be the outcome. You drove us each week 60 miles one way, just to go to church. Thank you for showing me that hard things are not bad things.

You Point Me to Jesus

Thank you for not wanting any of this attention, but rather pointing me to Him even when it annoyed me. For gently saying "God is protecting you" when I called and complained about being stuck in traffic. For asking me "Have you thanked Him yet?" when God did something great. Those words helped me see the thread of His sovereignty woven into my life.

You aren’t Perfect, yet Still Love Jesus

Dad I know you are not perfect and I am grateful. You let me see you imperfections. I am grateful for the redemptive story God has written in your life. I know firsthand how God can take an imperfect person with real struggles and use them for His glory. You have shown me it’s not about being a perfect person, but clinging to Jesus.  You remind me how much you need Him. You help me to see that I can do nothing apart from Him. I know that all that you are is because of all that He is in you.

You are Ready for His Glory

I know you cannot wait for that day when you will join Jesus. You eagerly await His glory. You know that day will grieve my heart greatly, more than I could ever describe to you. Thank you for not being afraid to share with me your longing to be at Jesus’ feet. Thank you for desiring His Glory more than anything else. Thank you for loving Jesus and desiring to be with Him more than you desire to walk this earth. You have a heavenly perspective I want.

Daddy, I love you and I am grateful for the gift you are to me. And the best thing I know to give you this birthday is my thankfulness to you and to the Lord. He has used you to show me so much. Thank you for being obedient.

Watch for Snakes

I can still hear my mom’s voice: “Ashlee, watch for snakes.” In rural New Mexico (where I grew up) if a snake bites you, you might die before ever reaching a hospital.  It’s serious and something you don’t take lightly. When you watch for snakes you observe your surroundings, you listen for a rustling in the grass, you are diligent and aware that a snake can be anywhere and they are dangerous.

I thought about watching for snakes recently as spiritual warfare rose up around me. Everywhere I turned I had another conversation with someone who was in a battle.  My heart grew weary and heavy.

The Battle is Strong

Sometimes the battle seems stronger than me and threatens to overwhelm my heart. I wonder, do we recognize the battle? Do we understand what is happening around us? 

1 Peter 5:8 tell us “Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” 

I wonder if we understand this image. Do we comprehend the image of a hungry lion looking to devour someone? Devour means “to swallow up or destroy”.  The enemy wants to destroy us, that is not a game, that’s battle language.

Don’t Fear - Be Aware

We should not walk in fear of the enemy. 1 Peter 5:8  says that we need to be of sober mind (free from the influence of intoxicants) and to be alert (to be vigilant, give strict attention to, be cautious). We need to be actively be aware that the battle is strong, it’s serious, and the enemy want to destroy us. We should not walk in fear of what the enemy might do, but we must be on guard.

Resist the Enemy

1 Peter 5:9 goes on to say “But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world.”  Resist means “to set oneself up against, to cause to stand.” This word is in the active voice, which means it’s something we should do. In Ephesians 6:10-14, we see this same idea, Paul calls believer to stand firm against the enemy. The word stand firm means “to fix or establish, to cause a person or thing to keep its place, to uphold or sustain the force of anything” We have an active role in the battle, it is to resist, to stand firm, to hold fast against what the enemy throws our way.

We are NOT Alone

As we stand firm, we are not alone in the battle. Exodus 14:14 tells us “The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still.” 2 Chronicles 20:15 says “Do not fear or be dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours but God’s.” The Lord God is a Mighty Warrior, and the battle is His. We must actively stand firm while clinging to the Lord and looking to Him to be our strength. He will faithfully fight on our behalf. We cannot walk alone or by our own strength. We need the ultimate Warrior King who is capable of anything.

Rest in God

God is bigger and greater than the enemy. The battle may feel like a great multitude, but it is not bigger than God. I believe the Lord allows the battle to feel great, so we seek Him and remember how desperately we need Him. In the weariness, I am reminded of what David says in Psalm 61:1-3

Psalm 61:1-3
Hear my cry, O God;
Give heed to my prayer.
From the end of the earth I call to You when my heart is faint;
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
For You have been a refuge for me,
A tower of strength against the enemy.

When you grow weary, seek the Lord and rest in Him.

Remember the Word

The word is vital in battle. It is the Word that reminds us how to walk, encourages us to turn to the Lord and renews our mind. You cannot walk in battle or stand firm without it. Never underestimate the power of the word of God in battle.

Don’t Stop Fighting

As God restores and refreshes us, it’s important that we get up and keep walking. We must continue our vigilance and once again watch for snakes. Not fearing, but always trusting. The cycle repeats itself: Watch, stand firm, rest in God, stand up and do it again.

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God Met Me (My Story Part 4)

I battled the Lord in my prayers. I doubted everything God was doing. I was angry God was doing this to me. Didn't He know I had been faithful to Him? I doubted that He was good. 

For the first time in my life I experienced a crisis of faith. More and more each day I doubted God’s faithfulness and struggled to believe He allowed this in my life. My view of Him was crumbing. What was wrong? What had I done to deserve this? Why God????

I Didn’t have an Accurate View of God

My view of God was falling apart because my view of Him was wrong. My view was shaped by what I thought about God, instead of what Scripture said about Him. I based my knowledge of God around experience. I formed my own truth from what I thought instead of allowing the Word to shape what I knew to be true. I realized that I didn’t know the Bible the way I thought I did and I didn’t know God the way I thought I did. My view of Him was warped by experience instead of shaped by His Word.

God Allowed my Struggle

I believed God only allowed good things for His people. I missed a vital truth found in His Word: all of God’s people struggle. I struggled to believe Romans 8:28 “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose”.  How could God call this good? I didn't know. I felt so alone.

God Met Me in my Struggle

God did not leave me to struggle alone. Girls Campout came and my co-counselor and I packed up our campers and headed out to the lake for an overnight campout. Lindsey Kane was there to lead worship for the girls. I didn’t know anything about Lindsey, but was grateful that I didn’t have to entertain my girls all night. In my brokenness I simply had nothing left to give.

I sat down to listen to the music and there God met me. I cried through every song as God reached out to me through Lindsey’s music. People stared at me, the tears would not stop. Lindsey shared her great heartbreak that led to the writing of many of the songs she sang. There at Girls Campout God met me in my struggle and pursued me.

God Walked through it with Me

God used Lindsey’s song The Valley to make one thing clear: He was not going to take me out of this struggle. He was not going to quickly restore me. Yet, He had not left me to do it alone. He was there to hold my hand all along the way.

The Valley Chorus:

You didn’t take me out of it
But You’re showing me in it 
You didn’t lift me out of it 
But You’re lifting me up in it 
You didn’t pull me out of it 
But You’re pulling me towards You in it 
And I know I’ll be okay

I didn't know it yet, but I had only started my trudge through the valley. God had not left me there to figure it out for myself. He was working this out for my good, it just didn't feel good. God was not going to take me out of the valley, but He would walk through it with me.

Want to read My Story from the beginning? Go Here

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Gentle Reminders

Sometimes God speaks in big ways: He closes doors or He speaks so clearly you are sure He spoke audibly. Other times, there are the gentle reminders. When God graciously and sweetly reminds you of what He has called you to. They aren’t big and in your face, but calm whispers that you know come straight from the Lord.

The past few months I drug my feet. Knowing God was calling me to something big, but fearful of it. You see, the task is beyond me. It’s more than I can understand or research. It doesn’t make sense. Even thinking about it too much overwhelms me. Yet, I have known without hesitation that God was calling me. I tried to ignore it but each God gently reminded me of where He called me.

A Sermon I Heard at Work

I sat listening to a sermon during our monthly in home meeting. You see I am blessed to work with people who love Jesus. A newly hired director was dubbed to preach that day. He shared that God had pressed Him to preach this message and would not let him go of it. He knew it was for someone. Maybe it was for others, but I knew it was for me. Straight out of Colossians 1:9-14 (a book I had just taught in Bible Study), he used words like walk worthy and obedience and God tugged my heart. "Ashlee, have you been obedient?" I hung my head knowing the answer. "Ashlee, are you pleasing me in ALL respects or just some respects? Ashlee, to what degree is this promised- according to My glorious might. I can handle this – be obedient."

A Blog Post by a Friend

My friend Amara writes One Single Voice and recently she wrote a post about giants. “When we lose sight of who we are- the sons and daughters of God- we lower our hopes and think about turning back.”Again God pulled at my heart. "Ashlee, you believe this task is beyond you, yet I have called you. Ashlee I will equip you. Ashlee, TRUST me."

A Text from a Friend

“My prayer for you today and encouragement is for you to not hold back on what God is leading you to based on provision or circumstance.” And I knew God was using her to speak to me. "Ashlee, don’t base your obedience on you, Ashlee base it on me. Don’t hold back Ashlee I am trust worthy. I am a big God who can do anything. Ashlee don’t hold back and walk in disobedience."

And all I can think…is this is God’s grace on my life. That He would love me and pursue me and gently remind me where He has called me. So today, I walked in obedience. Today I quit dragging my feet and simply obeyed. Today I allowed myself to dream and trust the Lord. I do not know where this road will take me, but I know God is taking me there. And I trust Him, because He is faithful.

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