Why then would the Lord place me in a ministry with constant
change. College ministry is unlike many ministries of the church. There is a
perpetual flow of people in and out. People plugged in and people moving on. We aren’t promised six months
and definitely not four years. Mostly, the change that happens is healthy and
good. Yet my soul screams NO!! Stop!!
I am grateful for my husband in these moments. He often is
charged with helping me down off the edge. Last Sunday he held my hand and led me to
the front of our church to pray. I shared with him earlier that morning I felt angry and bitter about
the constant change in our lives. Not at people, but the constant ripping out
of my heart. As he prayed over me the tears flowed.
The next
morning, I sat down, telling Jesus how desperately I needed Him. Feeling weary
and worn I sat at His feet. I opened my Bible and began my reading for
today. And these words struck me hard:
“I am exceedingly afflicted; Revive me, O LORD, according to Your word.” Psalm 119:107
And I cried out to the Lord “God I need you to revive me.”
I imagine, that I am not that different than most people. I am not the only person who
loathes change and clings to order. We all have moments that feel like
affliction. As I study Psalms 119 I cannot help but see a reoccurring theme:
the Word revives us. That word revive means “to sustain life, revive from
discouragement, faintness, or death; to refresh, restore to life, to cause to
grow” I must stop and ask myself: Where do I seek to be revived when I am empty
and worn and weary. When the change overwhelms my heart and again breaks it to
pieces, where do I go? And I cannot help but see, the life I seek, the
restoration my heart desperately needs can only be found in His Word.
I am grateful for this Truth. And I pray I will earnestly
seek the Word to revive my heart. To restore life so I can love well knowing when they leave, my heart will break once more.
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