The Big Give: The Big Reveal

Overwhelmed, terrified, untrusting. These feelings have fueled me. These feelings have kept me from pursuing what God has called me to. God has clearly spoken, so today I step out in faith. I know for some of you the wait is killing you. So....here we go!

Today I would like to announce that I will be starting a design business. What does that mean? You might wonder, well, I am not exactly sure myself. And for those wondering, I am NOT quitting my day job.

The last few years, I have fallen in love with…fonts. Yes, you read that clearly.  FONTS!  I am a regular Dafontaholic. You see I have always loved words. I love reading beautifully crafted words in novels. I love cleverly constructed word art. And for some strange reason the Lord has given me an “eye” for it. At least that is what people keep telling me.  

I am not sure what pursuing this business will look like. I’m not even an official business yet. I am still learning what I need to do and  crafting a plan. 

It still blows me away that this new business came out of a prayer to God asking what He wanted me to do for the Big Give. I had two main ideas. One idea was my “safe” idea. It involved baking and selling my FAVORITE holiday treat (totally from scratch and yes there is yeast involved). My other idea, well it seemed “risky”. If you know me, you know risky really isn’t my style. I am safe and practical. Yet God kept dragging me toward the risky side of things completely out of my comfort zone. It’s definitely not the first time I have created word art or prints. It really floors me that anyone might want to BUY what I make. I know that sounds really dumb, but it’s the truth.

As I have told some of my friends and family, I am overwhelmed by the sweet encouragement they have given me. I want each of you to know that God has used your encouragement to continue to confirm to me where He is leading. Thank you for being faithful to send a text, Facebook message, email, or have a conversation with me. 

So I begin this journey toward design with the Big Give. Exclusively for the Big Give I have created three prints for purchase. 

Each print is available in three different background colors: chalkboard, red, and green. You can purchase any print for $5. All proceeds will be given to the Miracle of Missions at First Euless. You can contact me for more information or to purchase a print. If you would like a color others than the ones listed, I would love to customize one just for you. Please note you are purchasing a digital download of this print, which you are then free to use as many times or as many ways as you would like!

Other Posts on the Big Give: Pt 1: Feeling Defeated, Pt, 2: When God Shows Up

The Big Give: When God Shows Up

I could not believe it was happening. I sat at the lunch table stunned.  I could barely look at my friend who sat across from me. I felt exposed.  I looked up and said to her, “you are a huge answer to prayer”. Not 24 hours earlier I sat down and wrote out this prayer in my journal:

Lord, I need your direction. I need you to speak clearly to me. Lord would you help me know what you have for me? Lord, I feel like I am at a crossroad. I am not sure if you want me to proceed with this or how you want me to proceed. Lord, the entire process scares me. I don't have a clue how to go forward. Lord help me. God bring someone who can give me wisdom. Help me to know if this is what You want me to do. 

And not 24 hours later, God was showing up answering this specific prayer. He brought me a friend who could share her wisdom with me and answer all the questions. I sat down to pray about what I felt God calling me to do for the Big Give, and that prayer led into a prayer about something bigger. Something I had felt God calling me to, that He had affirmed many times, but I was afraid to even speak anyone even my husband. 

I have been in a season of being stretched by God. He continues to ask me to step outside of what I think my life should be and call me to different things. Now, He is calling me to something different that seriously scares me. It’s different, I feel inadequate (as in I have NO training), and I’m afraid I will fail. For the last few months I have tried to pretend He was not calling me to pursue this, but He continues to bring it to my attention. God simply will not let go of this new direction in my life. It’s funny because all along the way God has put people in my life to encourage me and believe in me even when I did not believe in myself.

As I prepared to walk away from the lunch table, another friend looked at me and  in her best momma voice said, "Ashlee you are now accountable to what God has shown you". Heaviness and peace set in at the same time. Heaviness, because it still feels overwhelming.  Peace, because God has clearly spoken. 

I sent my husband this text: God just showed and answered a very specific prayer request. At this point I had not even shared with my husband what God was leading me to. He was totally in the dark. I was honestly afraid to tell him, because I knew he would hold me accountable to what God was telling me.

As I went throughout my day, defeat set in again. (You think the enemy is totally against me pursuing what God has called me to?? Yeah, I’m thinking so.) By the time I made it home and was able to sit down and visit with my husband the heaviness weighed on me. I felt annoyed and my introverted self just wanted to hide. My husband looked at me and asked, “Are you even excited about this?”  Honestly? I am totally thrown off guard by what God is doing. I am still terrified. It’s so ridiculous. God has shown Himself to be more than faithful to me, yet I still doubt Him.

I’m actually mad at myself and the enemy for the doubt that weighs in my head. The doubt presses down with a heaviness I cannot describe. It is like I am wearing hundreds of pounds on my shoulders and this cloud is pressing in all around me. Yet in the heaviness the Lord quietly speaks to me, “Ashlee press on, trust Me, rely on Me, remember who I am, remember My character.” And He continues to show up in the smallest and greatest ways. A truth of God's character as I scroll through Pinterest, urging me on, reminding me of God's character. A husband who looks me in the eye and tells me he believes in me.

I have a choice to make. I can allow the heaviness and doubt to press in, or I can choose to walk remembering who God is. I can freak out or I can remember He is my covenant partner who is worthy of my trust and my faith. I am so grateful that He shows up and just the right time! 

So stay tuned. Next Monday I will share all about my Big Give and share more about what God is calling me to specifically. 

The Big Give: Feeling Defeated

I slumped in the recliner, feeling defeated. How is it that only a few hours ago I was so excited about this opportunity? But now? Now I am ready to wave the white flag in defeat and say: I CAN'T DO IT! 

The Opportunity

My husband whispered in my ear as we entered church “We are doing The Big Give again.” My heart jumped with joy and excitement. My mind immediately began running with ideas. As we sat down and the message began, I knew the passage pastor would take us to. I knew we would read the parable of the talents.  As we read, I judged the slave who buried his money and didn’t invest it.  As he preached, pastor shared with us the opportunity we were going to be given. He told us as we left we would each receive an envelope with money. He urged us to take this money and multiple it and bring the multiplied money back on December 22 to give toward The Miracle of Missions.

The Miracle of Missions

The Miracle began several years ago when our church was in massive debt. Our interim pastor, stood in the pulpit and asked that God would do a miracle in our church. That day The Miracle was born. A little over two years later, our church had paid off $6.5 million dollars of debt. The question was then, what do we do now? The Miracle turned it's focus toward missions. The Miracle now funds sharing the love of Jesus through missions in our area and around the world.

The Instructions

The instructions for the Big Give are really quite simple.  We are to first pray and ask the Lord what He would have us do with this money. Then we are to be creative and use our talents to invest this money. The options are really endless. Finally, on December 22, we bring back whatever amount we receive as our investment and that money goes to fund the Miracle of Missions.

My Problem

So you might be thinking…Ashlee what is your problem? Why do you feel defeated? Well, I feel a lot of pressure. And to be honest, I am really identifying with the slave who buried his money in the ground. I feel paralyzed by fear. What if I pick the wrong thing. What if no one wants to come alongside me and invest in whatever I do? What if I fail and have then lost the money given to me? Ya’ll I AM that slave. I am that slave and I feel so foolish and defeated. Last night my husband looked at me and asked me if I had prayed about it. I looked at him foolishly and said no. As I continued in defeat feeling like the slave who did nothing, God showed me that ultimately I am not trusting Him. He reminded me that He is powerful. He works all things together. And in my doubting of myself, I doubt who He is. So where does that leave me? That leaves me back in at step one. I know that I must stop, pray, and trust Him. Whatever He leads me to do. I need to trust Him and walk by faith.

So, this is the beginning of the Big Give for me. I recognize my lack of faith, stop and pray, and ask the Lord to do something bigger than me. I ask the Lord to show up, give me direction, and help me accomplish what He asks of me. Join me in my Big Give journey and together let's watch God do something Big.

Letter to Myself

A year ago, God called my husband to take a college ministry position. Over the last year I have watched as God has stretched both me and my husband in big ways, grown us like never before, and given us people to lead that we love beyond expression.  If I could only tell myself a year ago all that God would do, I know that I would not believe it. Today I want to share wisdom with myself a year later.

Ashlee,

You are about to embark on a journey like never before. God is about to rock your world. Your comfortable little bubble is about to expand. Be prepared because God is going to stretch you like you cannot even imagine. Don’t be afraid, God is going to bless you beyond what you could hope.

Not Just for Your Husband

You don’t know it yet, but God is going to call you specifically to this ministry. He is going to pull and tug and get in your face until you finally walk in obedience. Ashlee, this will mean walking away from youth ministry, but do not fear. God is going to give you a great love for college students.

 House Full of Girls

This may seem weird to you, because right now, all you see is a house full of boys. Mostly boys playing Halo. Mostly smelly, hungry boys playing Halo. I know you are content to hide in your bedroom and watch TV. But that is all about to change. It’s time to get up and leave your comfort zone behind and open your door and your heart to a precious group of girls.  These girls, they need a leader and God is going to call you to do it. These girls will stretch you, and ask you some of the toughest questions. They will make you dive deep into scripture and process again why you believe what you believe. They will bless you, love you, and serve you in ways you cannot imagine right now. Ashlee, God is about to bless you with an amazing group of girls.

Busy Life

Yes things are about to get crazy Ashlee. Crazier than you want most days. God is going to show you an idol in your life called “alone time”. You have bowed down to this idol too many times and God is going to rip it out of your hands, so you can struggle with what true rest looks like. You will be busy EVERY DAY, but don’t be afraid. God is going to show up and you will see that all that busy matters in Eternity.

Make Time for Rest

You have mistaken alone time for rest. Ashlee, find rest in Jesus, not in alone time. You see you take your alone time and fill it with busy things and in the end you really don’t rest.  Ashlee, you really don’t have a clue what it means to rest. God is going to show you how. You will struggle with it. In fact, there will be many hard conversation and tears over your need for rest. God will prevail and He will give rest to your weariness.

 Equipped Disciple Maker

God has knit in your heart a deep desire to see the next generation discipled. I know you have struggled and your heart aches for people who care for the Word of God. You have no idea, but those late night talks with your Lovie are about to come full circle. God is about to ask you to disciple an entire group full of young women. God is going to show you that discipleship is not an act, but a lifestyle. God is going to show you that discipleship is more than just teaching the Word, but walking through life with so many different people. It will mean giving up some of your sleep for late night talks. It will mean holding so many different women that are hurting and struggling. It will mean gently getting in the face of some and exposing sin in their lives. It will be hard, it will require more than you think you have, but God will be faithful. Ashlee, walk in the heart of discipleship God has given you.

Teacher

I know you are hungry to use your gift of teaching. You have no idea how God is about to use you. God is going to call you to host a Bible study in your home. If you knew that it might scare you right now. It will scare you even when God calls you to it. But Ashlee, God has prepared you. God has given you all the skills and tools you will need. And He is going to blow your mind, because this Bible study is going to outgrow your little one bedroom apartment living room. And yet again God will provide. Ashlee, you have no idea how many teaching moments God is going to give you over the next year, so study up, buckle your seat belt and enjoy the ride!

Change

That man you love, God is going to grow him and change him. God is going to answer so many prayers you have prayed for him. He will be given wisdom from the Lord that you just do not understand. And wait until you hear him teach when he leads at camp this summer. Girl, it is going to BLOW YOUR MIND. You will stand in awe and praise God for all that He is going to do. So wait, watch, and be in awe.

Ministry Hurts and is Hard

Your character and that of your husband will be questioned. Partners in ministry will move on. People will walk away from Jesus. I know you consider yourself to be without grace and mercy. But just wait. God is going to stir your heart toward compassion, loving kindness, and mercy.  You will experience heart break and pain. You will grieve for others. You will feel like your heart is being ripped out of you, but Ashlee, God will not forget you. He has you in His hand. God will show you how you hold too tight to things and people.  Be strong and courageous. Be prepared and stand firm in the gospel, hard times will come!

There is Victory
In the midst of all the pain, victory will come. People will confess their sin. Girls will walk in community together. They will trust another girl for the first time. They will love each other like sisters. People will hunger and thirst for Righteousness.  Ashlee, yes there will be pain and it will be great, but there will be the sweetness of the Victory of Jesus permeating their lives and transforming them from the inside out. It will be a beautiful thing to watch, so don't miss the moments.

A year ago God gave my husband and I a great gift by calling us into college ministry. It has been hard, it had been messy, it has been beautiful, because it has been the Gospel lived out in my life. 

Photo Credit: All the photographs in this post were taken by Laura Nicole Photography. She is a  gifted photographer in the Dallas/ Ft. Worth area who also loves Jesus. You should hire her. This is not a sponsored post, just my personal opinion!

Houston We Have a Problem

Last weekend, my Lovie and I packed up and headed south to Houston, TX. It was a much needed time of rest and refreshment. Since I had Thursday and Friday off we headed down on Thursday and spent the whole weekend.

We sat in our hotel room on Thursday night and pulled out the hotel book of things to do. You know that book, the one every hotel has of area attractions. We saw that we were literally minutes away from Space Center Houston. So we decided to make a day of it and off we headed the next morning.

Ticket Wisdom 

If you plan to make a trip to the Space Center, buy your tickets online. You save $5/ticket buying your tickets this way. Good thing I had coupons from our hotel, so I got us the same deal.

The Tram

Our first stop was the tram. The security guy told us that was where we should start and I am so glad that we listened. The Tram Tour takes about an hour. It takes you all over the Space Center. We saw the Original Mission Control (complete with original ashtrays), where Astronauts train, & got to be up close with the Mercury Rocket.

Meet an Astronaut

This was my Lovie’s favorite part! We got to listen to  a real astronaut. Greg had all of his questions ready at the end to ask Leroy. And yes he brought this picture home.

Starship Gallery

This show and museum was my favorite part of the trip. It was here that we got to “meet” several important figures from space history. We were able to look at moon rocks, touch a moon rock, and see one of the lunar rovers (well the practice rover, did you know the real ones are still on the moon?).

After we left NASA we headed to our favorite Mexican restaurant Chuy’s. Greg and I both ordered our favorite meal (which isn’t on the menu). Next time you go to Chuy’s ask for the stuffed sopapilla (I like fajita chicken, Lovie like Fajita Beef) and have them cover it with the Boom Boom Sauce. I promise, you will be so happy that you did!!

Saturday our main focus was rest. We slept in, went out for a late lunch at Pappa’s BBQ, and then got ready to head to the wedding of our friends Jeff & Lizzie. We got first pick at seats (because we were that early). The wedding was beautiful and we had a great time visiting with friends. 

I am so grateful for a great weekend away full of rest and fun!