The Big Give: Feeling Defeated

I slumped in the recliner, feeling defeated. How is it that only a few hours ago I was so excited about this opportunity? But now? Now I am ready to wave the white flag in defeat and say: I CAN'T DO IT! 

The Opportunity

My husband whispered in my ear as we entered church “We are doing The Big Give again.” My heart jumped with joy and excitement. My mind immediately began running with ideas. As we sat down and the message began, I knew the passage pastor would take us to. I knew we would read the parable of the talents.  As we read, I judged the slave who buried his money and didn’t invest it.  As he preached, pastor shared with us the opportunity we were going to be given. He told us as we left we would each receive an envelope with money. He urged us to take this money and multiple it and bring the multiplied money back on December 22 to give toward The Miracle of Missions.

The Miracle of Missions

The Miracle began several years ago when our church was in massive debt. Our interim pastor, stood in the pulpit and asked that God would do a miracle in our church. That day The Miracle was born. A little over two years later, our church had paid off $6.5 million dollars of debt. The question was then, what do we do now? The Miracle turned it's focus toward missions. The Miracle now funds sharing the love of Jesus through missions in our area and around the world.

The Instructions

The instructions for the Big Give are really quite simple.  We are to first pray and ask the Lord what He would have us do with this money. Then we are to be creative and use our talents to invest this money. The options are really endless. Finally, on December 22, we bring back whatever amount we receive as our investment and that money goes to fund the Miracle of Missions.

My Problem

So you might be thinking…Ashlee what is your problem? Why do you feel defeated? Well, I feel a lot of pressure. And to be honest, I am really identifying with the slave who buried his money in the ground. I feel paralyzed by fear. What if I pick the wrong thing. What if no one wants to come alongside me and invest in whatever I do? What if I fail and have then lost the money given to me? Ya’ll I AM that slave. I am that slave and I feel so foolish and defeated. Last night my husband looked at me and asked me if I had prayed about it. I looked at him foolishly and said no. As I continued in defeat feeling like the slave who did nothing, God showed me that ultimately I am not trusting Him. He reminded me that He is powerful. He works all things together. And in my doubting of myself, I doubt who He is. So where does that leave me? That leaves me back in at step one. I know that I must stop, pray, and trust Him. Whatever He leads me to do. I need to trust Him and walk by faith.

So, this is the beginning of the Big Give for me. I recognize my lack of faith, stop and pray, and ask the Lord to do something bigger than me. I ask the Lord to show up, give me direction, and help me accomplish what He asks of me. Join me in my Big Give journey and together let's watch God do something Big.