Today, I want to talk to you about what God taught me at camp. Often I struggle as I walk into youth camp. It takes so much preparation at work to be gone an entire week. I barely see my husband before camp. This year, was different. This year I was so excited to be at camp and hang out with my girls. My prayer as I walked into camp was that I would be intentional with them in the short time that I had.
I thought I walked into camp with an open heart, ready to serve, speak truth, and love on my small group girls. But you see there was this small little blackness that started to spread. That blackness was anger & bitterness. For the past few months I have struggled to love one individual in particular. The details are not necessary, but my actions toward this person were mostly cold and never trusting. I had been praying and asking God to teach me something and on Wednesday night He did.
Before the speaker ever went on the stage I battled the Lord during our time of worship. The Lord was calling me to repentance, He was exposing my sin. I HATED it. I wanted to run away. I did my best to rationalize it. But the Lord would not let me go. My mind raced with verses on love "love one another, love your enemy, if you don't love the brethren you don't love me." Over and over again they kept coming to mind. God wouldn't even let me stand up and sing. When the speaker began to talk on love, I knew the Lord refused to let me go. He wanted me to deal with my sin. He wanted me to love everyone, not just those I thought deserved my love.
At the end of the service, I climbed over the bleachers and went to the prayer room. I knew they needed me to counsel others, but I just couldn't. I needed to deal with my sin NOW. If I didn't I might not do it at all. I got down on my knees, opened my journal, and started confessing my sin to the Lord. Repent means to turn around and walk the other way, from your sin and toward Jesus. I knew that I could not stop at confession, but I needed to change the way I viewed that person. For me, that meant repeating scripture every time I even saw that person or thought about them. I realized that I had trained my mind to think negative thoughts toward that person. So I began to repeat scripture and the word love, over and over again in my mind.
As I write this, my heart is still struggling to love that person. It is a daily battle. It involves daily walking in my need for Jesus. I know I cannot love on my own. If left to myself my heart would be full of bitterness. In Jesus I am called to walk in love and forgiveness. So daily I am seeking Him to help me love. To help me change my perspective of that person. To forgive, let go, and seek love.
I must ask you to consider your heart. Are you loving one another? I am struggling to, but asking the Lord to help me in the midst of my sin. To help me love the brethren. I cannot walk in a manner worthy of Jesus and hate my brother or sister in Christ.
We love, because He first loved us. If someone says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from Him, that the one who loves God should love his brother also. 1 John 4:19-21
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