Why then would the Lord place me in a ministry with constant change. College ministry is unlike many ministries of the church. There is a perpetual flow of people in and out. People plugged in and people moving on. We aren’t promised six months and definitely not four years. Mostly, the change that happens is healthy and good. Yet my soul screams NO!! Stop!!
I am grateful for my husband in these moments. He often is charged with helping me down off the edge. Last Sunday he held my hand and led me to the front of our church to pray. I shared with him earlier that morning I felt angry and bitter about the constant change in our lives. Not at people, but the constant ripping out of my heart. As he prayed over me the tears flowed.
The next morning, I sat down, telling Jesus how desperately I needed Him. Feeling weary and worn I sat at His feet. I opened my Bible and began my reading for today. And these words struck me hard:
“I am exceedingly afflicted; Revive me, O LORD, according to Your word.” Psalm 119:107
And I cried out to the Lord “God I need you to revive me.”
I imagine, that I am not that different than most people. I am not the only person who loathes change and clings to order. We all have moments that feel like affliction. As I study Psalms 119 I cannot help but see a reoccurring theme: the Word revives us. That word revive means “to sustain life, revive from discouragement, faintness, or death; to refresh, restore to life, to cause to grow” I must stop and ask myself: Where do I seek to be revived when I am empty and worn and weary. When the change overwhelms my heart and again breaks it to pieces, where do I go? And I cannot help but see, the life I seek, the restoration my heart desperately needs can only be found in His Word.
I am grateful for this Truth. And I pray I will earnestly seek the Word to revive my heart. To restore life so I can love well knowing when they leave, my heart will break once more.