Kingdom Bashing

Oh and the Kingdom bashing continues dear friends. I seriously cannot get away from this word kingdom. It’s been a week. Full of emotion (not the good kind) and tears (again not the good kind). 

Here is my latest kingdom issue: Feeling appreciated. I often struggle with feeling appreciated, in pretty much every area of my life. I work in one of those jobs where I often go unseen. Normally, I really don’t mind. But after a big project, a “thank you” or a “good job” sure feel nice. The story goes on and on. It carries over into every crevice of my life. After awhile it starts to make a girl feel taken for granted. All of that came to head this week. I became an emotional volcano ready to erupt at any point. 

As I was talking it out with my husband this morning. He looked at me and said. Have you considered that this process of getting rid of the junk in your life is not only physical, but also emotional. He encouraged me to consider other “junk” that I might be carrying in my mind or heart. Then he prayed over me as I cried (I told you, emotional mess). 

As I have begun to consider what my husband had to say I am realizing that being appreciated falls directly under me trying to run my own kingdom. You see, the Queen has needed what most queens want. To be loved and adored. To be lavished upon. And ya’ll I am realizing just how much this world has gotten in my head. How I have allowed the ways and the thoughts of the world to be my own. It reminds me of James 4: 4 You adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.The word friendship is a pretty cool world, it means to adapt someone’s thoughts or ways as your own. And then that word hostility, man it means to willing set yourself up against.  And that is where I find myself, I am willing setting myself up against God because I have become a friend of the world. I have allowed the thoughts and ways of the world to become my own. 

That is a hard pill to swallow. In fact I’d rather just ignore it. So how do I reconsider my ways of thinking about feeling appreciated? Well, first I have to remember that my worth is not found me, but in Christ. He is the one who brought me from death to life. He made me a new creation. He has adopted me into His Kingdom(not made me the mini Queen of my own kingdom). So my response must be to run to Him. Seek Him. He must be my source of affirmation. I also have to constantly keep my mind in check. I have to be aware of where my focus is. So I did something to help myself. I created this for my desk. 

It is a daily reminder that it is HIS Kingdom, not mine. Finally I have to let scripture rule and reign over my thoughts and emotions. I have to remember that Jesus did not promise us a life of roses and sweet encouragements. He promised us this life would be hard. He also promised us that we would not be alone in the midst. 

So that is where I am today. I don’t have it all together. I don’t have it figured out. I am sure I will still feel under valued many days to come. I am sure I will still seek the approval and affirmation of men some days instead of seeking those things from God. I am sure that God will continue to take the battering ram after my little kingdom. I am sure there is more pain, emotion, frustration to come. I’m so glad God has not left me alone in the midst of it all!