I stood at my mirror. The conversations rolled over in my head. I replayed the words again and again. Every time the words cut deeper. I stood there in my funk, while the enemy cast blame. My legs heavy, my heart worn, my soul weary. I knew the enemy was at war with me, but I felt too weary to even stand firm in the Truth. Too weary to even remember Truth. I asked the Lord to intervene on my behalf and fight where I could not.
I sat on my bed, next to my sleeping husband, turned on the light and opened my Bible. I knew I desperately needed to be washed in the Word. I began with Psalm 119. Verse 40 stuck out to me “Behold, I long for Your precepts; Revive me through Your righteousness.” “Lord,” I thought, “I need you to revive me through Your righteousness. I don’t have any on my own and I need you”. I went to read the She Reads Truth devotional from Ruth and there God met me again.
"Naomi could not see past her circumstances. The hand was dealt, the credits were rolling. Naomi believed with her head that her God was sovereign, but she was too soul-weary to believe with her heart. And so she calls it. Game over. Name changed… She couldn’t imagine the bitterness becoming beauty, but her sovereign God could….
We are not named by our circumstances. We are named by our good God."
And I knew what was said about Naomi was true about me. I could not see past my circumstances or my feelings. I forgot who I am. And God whispered “Ashlee you are in Me. You wear My name, not your own”. You see, I’ve taught that Truth to my Bible Study girls as we walk through Ephesians. The Lord has reminded me who I am in Him. Yet even the teacher needs to be taught.
I Wear Many Names
Daughter, College Pastor’s Wife, Sister, Bible Study Leader, Teacher, Mentor, Friend. I allow the names I wear to define me rather than Christ. I struggle to separate my self-appointed names from my identity in Him. Friends, that is sin, it’s idolatry and I miss the joy and the peace of who I am in Christ when I walk this way.
Who Does He Say I Am?
I am clothed in His character as His covenant partner. He has given me a new self that is in His likeness and created in His righteousness (Eph 4:24). I am not self-constructed but chosen of God to be holy and beloved (Col 3:12). I have been bought with a price, not for my own sake, but for His (1 Cor 6:20). He has brought me near by His blood (Eph 2:13). He has made me a fellow citizen and a saint (Eph 2:19). Christ is clear who I am is based in Him not my self-appointed names.
It Doesn’t Matter what I Feel
This morning, emotion raged within me. My thoughts ran wild. What I felt did not match up with what I knew to be True. We live in a world where perception is reality. The world tells me whatever I believe to be true, whatever I feel, is truth itself. That is a lie. It’s hard for me to swallow it myself, because sometimes the way I feel, it just seems so right. Yet Jeremiah 17:9 tells us that the heart is deceitful above all else and it cannot be trusted. The way we feel does not trump Scripture. What I believe to be true, does not change truth, so it’s doesn’t matter what I feel.
What Will I Choose?
The name I carry is not my own, but His. My character is not defined my what is said of me, my circumstances, or what I even believe to be true. My character is defined by Christ and Christ alone. I have a choice of whether or not I will believe it. I can choose to walk in weariness allowing the enemy to beat me down. Or I can wake up, plant my feet in Truth, and choose to believe what Jesus says about me.
Are you soul weary? Is the enemy attacking? Are your circumstances closing in, falling apart, and threatening you? Choose Jesus, turn to Him, remember what He says, and trust it.