Letter to Myself | Walking Worthy: Letter to Myself

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Letter to Myself

A year ago, God called my husband to take a college ministry position. Over the last year I have watched as God has stretched both me and my husband in big ways, grown us like never before, and given us people to lead that we love beyond expression.  If I could only tell myself a year ago all that God would do, I know that I would not believe it. Today I want to share wisdom with myself a year later.

You are about to embark on a journey like never before. God is about to rock your world. Your comfortable little bubble is about to expand. Be prepared because God is going to stretch you like you cannot even imagine. Don’t be afraid, God is going to bless you beyond what you could hope.

Not Just for Your Husband
You don’t know it yet, but God is going to call you specifically to this ministry. He is going to pull and tug and get in your face until you finally walk in obedience. Ashlee, this will mean walking away from youth ministry, but do not fear. God is going to give you a great love for college students.
 House Full of Girls
This may seem weird to you, because right now, all you see is a house full of boys. Mostly boys playing Halo. Mostly smelly, hungry boys playing Halo. I know you are content to hide in your bedroom and watch TV. But that is all about to change. It’s time to get up and leave your comfort zone behind and open your door and your heart to a precious group of girls.  These girls, they need a leader and God is going to call you to do it. These girls will stretch you, and ask you some of the toughest questions. They will make you dive deep into scripture and process again why you believe what you believe. They will bless you, love you, and serve you in ways you cannot imagine right now. Ashlee, God is about to bless you with an amazing group of girls.
Busy Life
Yes things are about to get crazy Ashlee. Crazier than you want most days. God is going to show you an idol in your life called “alone time”. You have bowed down to this idol too many times and God is going to rip it out of your hands, so you can struggle with what true rest looks like. You will be busy EVERY DAY, but don’t be afraid. God is going to show up and you will see that all that busy matters in Eternity.

Make Time for Rest
You have mistaken alone time for rest. Ashlee, find rest in Jesus, not in alone time. You see you take your alone time and fill it with busy things and in the end you really don’t rest.  Ashlee, you really don’t have a clue what it means to rest. God is going to show you how. You will struggle with it. In fact, there will be many hard conversation and tears over your need for rest. God will prevail and He will give rest to your weariness.
 Equipped Disciple Maker
God has knit in your heart a deep desire to see the next generation discipled. I know you have struggled and your heart aches for people who care for the Word of God. You have no idea, but those late night talks with your Lovie are about to come full circle. God is about to ask you to disciple an entire group full of young women. God is going to show you that discipleship is not an act, but a lifestyle. God is going to show you that discipleship is more than just teaching the Word, but walking through life with so many different people. It will mean giving up some of your sleep for late night talks. It will mean holding so many different women that are hurting and struggling. It will mean gently getting in the face of some and exposing sin in their lives. It will be hard, it will require more than you think you have, but God will be faithful. Ashlee, walk in the heart of discipleship God has given you.

I know you are hungry to use your gift of teaching. You have no idea how God is about to use you. God is going to call you to host a Bible study in your home. If you knew that it might scare you right now. It will scare you even when God calls you to it. But Ashlee, God has prepared you. God has given you all the skills and tools you will need. And He is going to blow your mind, because this Bible study is going to outgrow your little one bedroom apartment living room. And yet again God will provide. Ashlee, you have no idea how many teaching moments God is going to give you over the next year, so study up, buckle your seat belt and enjoy the ride!
That man you love, God is going to grow him and change him. God is going to answer so many prayers you have prayed for him. He will be given wisdom from the Lord that you just do not understand. And wait until you hear him teach when he leads at camp this summer. Girl, it is going to BLOW YOUR MIND. You will stand in awe and praise God for all that He is going to do. So wait, watch, and be in awe.

Ministry Hurts and is Hard
Your character and that of your husband will be questioned. Partners in ministry will move on. People will walk away from Jesus. I know you consider yourself to be without grace and mercy. But just wait. God is going to stir your heart toward compassion, loving kindness, and mercy.  You will experience heart break and pain. You will grieve for others. You will feel like your heart is being ripped out of you, but Ashlee, God will not forget you. He has you in His hand. God will show you how you hold too tight to things and people.  Be strong and courageous. Be prepared and stand firm in the gospel, hard times will come!

There is Victory
In the midst of all the pain, victory will come. People will confess their sin. Girls will walk in community together. They will trust another girl for the first time. They will love each other like sisters. People will hunger and thirst for Righteousness.  Ashlee, yes there will be pain and it will be great, but there will be the sweetness of the Victory of Jesus permeating their lives and transforming them from the inside out. It will be a beautiful thing to watch, so don't miss the moments.

A year ago God gave my husband and I a great gift by calling us into college ministry. It has been hard, it had been messy, it has been beautiful, because it has been the Gospel lived out in my life. 

Photo Credit: All the photographs in this post were taken by Laura Nicole Photography. She is a  gifted photographer in the Dallas/ Ft. Worth area who also loves Jesus. You should hire her. This is not a sponsored post, just my personal opinion!
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  1. Beautiful and brilliant! It's amazing to see and hear about what God is doing in you and through you!

  2. so good. I cried. SO thankful for you & Greg and that God chose you two (the perfect people for the job) to love on these kids.

    1. Karissa, tears were shed in the writing of this post. Thank you for your precious encouragement. It is a blessing!

  3. From a father of one of these girls God put in your life, thank you. Thank you for loving God wholeheartedly and for walking with him in obedient faith. Thank you for persevering. Thank you for serving, for struggling valiantly. Thank you.